Shut your Dog up!

Well Hi-dee ho folks! Helluva a nice weekend huh? A couple of drops but mostly sunny... at least at my ranch. As you can see, I got a whole mess of my project done and now I'm waiting for edging pavers. Couple of hiccups... came home from dinner with Mrs' Curly to find that my mole was trying to muck up my hard work. I Castor oiled the new lawn something fierce... expecting to see him in my front yard soon. Second hiccup... read next paragraph.

It seems that Ol' Curly has 2 of "those" neighbors... The septic JA's... I will refer to them as the McTurdbottoms... and a heavy-set renter behind me whom I will refer to as "Mrs. Shutyer f'n dogsup". I've gotten along pretty well with the McTurdbottoms since I gave them my bark collar for their dog. Mrs. SYFDU however... she's an ongoing battle. Now I've tried all sorts of things... asking nicely (she wouldn't answer the door until she realized I saw her peakin' at me through the winder) leaving notes... asking Jan at Animal Control to pay her a visit and remind her about excessive barking, the no more than 3 animals ordinance, and that we have 4 different neighbor complaints filed. Well... this weekend took a different turn. I started my daily ranch work at 9am... around 1pm... the 4 hours of yippy dogs barking non-stop prompted me to do my usual neighborly yell... "Shut yer dogs up!"

At 2pm I was greeted by Mrs. SYFDU's lovely son... I'll call him "asshole" for the purposes of this story. He's a pointin' this finger at me and that finger... I'll try to paint the conversation this way.

Asshole: You the one who yelled at my mom to shut her "BEEP"'n dogs up!?!
Curly: No... I yelled at her to "Shut yer dogs up!"... Curly don't yell profanity in the neighborhood.
Asshole: Don't do that again... her dogs can bark until 9pm... I KNOW the LAW!! (he yells and snorts)
Curly: I think you may be thinking of chainsaws and other lawn equipment... Dogs are a... (interrupted at that point)
Asshole: I know the LAW!! You'd better stop leaving notes on her door and buggin her to stop her dogs... and the same goes for that bitch of yours...
Curly: Oh-ho-hoho... you did not...

Now Ol' Curly don't mind being called a name. Curly won't tolerate it when it comes to Mrs. Curly.

Curly: I'll ask you not to call my wife names.
Asshole: F%$! her... I'll call her a bitch is I want and kick your ass if you don't stop buggin' my mom.
Curly: Are you coming over here then?
Asshole: Whaddaya gonna do about it?

Ol' Curly ain't that much into fist fightin'... he gave all that up when his family moved out of Rainier Beach.

Curly: What's your name?
Asshole: I don't have to tell you my name!
Curly: Ok... I'll just call you "asshole" then. Look asshole... I should tell you a couple of things before you head on over here...
Asshole: Whaddaya gonna do about it?
Curly: Nothing... It's not my way. I should tell you that my dog has been watching your interaction from the deck. (I turn around and point... he looks too) You see his stance up there? He's not much for strangers on the property.
Asshole: I'll kick your dogs ass too!
Curly: Well... he's killed a couple of possums, and a raccoon... I imagine he can do some damage to a weasel like you. Please think twice about steppin' on my property for your own good.
Asshole: F%$# you man...
Curly: Oh... the other thing I was gonna say was... my wife is 8 months pregnant and a little "911 punchy"...

Needless to say... Officer Magnuson from Animal Control and Officer Jenkins (lead officer at Des Moines crit) stopped by to ask if I wanted to have them issue a ticket for unlicensed dogs and one for the barking... I said "No.. I'd just like them to control their dogs"

Now Officer Magnuson helped me train both of dogs when I got them out of animal rescues... she knows a thing or two about dogs... she also heads up the WA State Canine training school. Why do I tell you this? Well it seems that Asshole told her that I'd sick my dog on him if he entered my property. She says...

"Sir... I helped Curly train that dog... he's capable of doing things to you that you don't want to know about first hand."

Alright... Hats off to Stewie for the fine win at PR that I didn't get to see. Oh... and by the way. My dog won't bite you guys... he knows you read Curly blog... yer good.

Your Training: Today is Old Skool sprint trainin'... I want you to find a mean ol' dog that's not contained. Antagonize him bit and then sprint away... do that a few times...