PRObot 3000... thinking differently about doping

Got it figured out! This whole doping thing has gotten so outta hand. Basso is in... now he's out... now he's safe... now he's not... Yes Puerco... No Puerco... Yes Puerco... DNA testing... No testing... See ya Ullrich... Yes DNA testing.

The only true way to eliminate doping at least within the PRO cycling peloton is to use robots. That way the UCI can determine (with the help and leadership of the ASO) what the specifications for robot riders will be. The UCI can have their I.T. group develop a randomizing application to keep the races unpredictable but still have the ability to upload a French winner for the Tour of France. We'll see some real bike racing then. Only catch is that most of the microchips and software will be developed in India and China so it won't be a true "French" winner... Perhaps LOOK can git their act together and develop something new for a change.

Back to them robot riders themselves tho... No massages needed, no feed zones (unless it is needed for WCP footage of CRASH v2.0 "Greatest Robot Crashes") Interviews can just be e-mailed via Bluetooth. One I.T. follow-car needed for mechanicals. If a rider is traded the LCD monitor on their chest is just updated with a new widescreen graphic done in Photoshop CS3... which Ol' Curly has so give him a call... he does artwork ya know. No need to have Versus do crappy TV coverage as each rider can film themselves and upload it to YouTube. Campy has positioned themselves well with the electronic shifting they have... perhaps they can have MicroStrategies handle the data integration... iPod can sponsor the music.

Oh... it'll be great. No doping... all sorts of logistical challenges solved... more "green"... I think this will really enhance the sport for us spectators. No, I didn't mention that the initial investment is gonna cost a bit to stock a peloton... but who cares... look at the benefits.

The big flaw in this... that I'm hoping nobody will notice until it's too late... is that the UCI will no longer have anything to do... and neither will WADA... or the media... or VeloNews... or CycleSport. That and robots can turn on you... and they git viruses.

Who would have thought that the sport of PRO cycling would be the instigator for a 1984-esque campaign for mapping who does what to whom by using DNA. I think if you're a doper, yer only recourse is to use this technology to make a better rider in a test tube. 7 letters for ya... G-A-T-T-A-C-A!

More science for cyclists... They've discovered a new planet 20 light years away. It can support human life they say. Only thing is... the gravity would make a 150lb person feel like 240lbs... Maybe they'll discover a planet with gravity that suits me. OR... they'll hold some downhill TT's... I would kick some ass at those.

Your Training: Ride yer fricken bike with no computers, no power meters, no cadence-ometers. No cell phone... no watch.. no hrm... no iPods... Just ride. You may take supplements however...