On your left and good ol' American creativeness

Oh man, Ol' Curly is on a rant today. Not only are we out of chocolate milk in the icebox, but Curly is noticing a trend in American bike racing that he don't like one bit. Now Curly grew up watching the "Devil" at the Tour and the Giro. Back then, he didn't like the Devil much, but over time the Devil grew on him. Now the Devil represents the fanaticism that IS European bike racing. Now take our gal on the left there. Hmmm... where'd ya get that idea from? The Angel was good... 'cept for the EZ Spirit walkers she wears and the cankles... but Ol' Curly can deal. The bare-assed cowboy ain't the way Curly's Saloon doors swing, but to each his own. Curly can handle the fans all painted like the Discovery Channel, CSC or T-Mobile... What he can't handle is a copycat. That just plain and simple is no good. Now if she paired up with the Devil and bought him a plane ticket here and they did their thing together... over time she could phase him out and she'd be accepted by Ol' Curly... but she has just jumped in both feet and tried to be the "US of A's Devil"... and I don't like it as much as a tumbleweed in my shorts... it rubs me the wrong way.

It seems we try to copy things from the Europeans alot. We've tried to copy their "futbol" league... and 'mericans are slow to accept it... we even brought in Beckham to really turn it up. We'll see how that goes. We copy their champagne... although they caught us and used international patent law to shut us down. Why the hell is it that we try to copy some of their things and yet leave other, more important items alone? For instance... I'd like to see us copy that "Slow traffic keep your ass to the right" thing that the Euros are good at. Man, I was behind some half-fast nutknocker yesterday trying to make a point to Ol' Curly that he has every right to drive 50 mph in the left lane and hold up traffic... it's his American Right. My ass is still defrosting as you can imagine.

Now how 'bout we copy some of that Prosciutto makin' that the Eye-Talians make? Yummy and yet well-preserved without a proper icebox. Let's copy that Espresso Bar thing... yeah, I know we did our own... but I want a real one... where the coffee tastes the same. Let's color our money like them... I'd like to see a red/white/blue motif please. Why the hell can't we copy their public transportation for pete's sake? We missed the boat on that one. You know I'm gonna say this one... we for sure need to copy their 6-Day Racin'... I give it one good go and we'd be hooked. I think if you can show Americans what happens when you combine, bike racing, beer drinking, sausage and cheese eating... with a Ringlin' Bros/Roadhouse atmosphere... we'll all be winners.

O.K... Fer yer trainin'... I want you to ride cross-eyed today... to develop the muscles in your ocular cavities. We have a TT approaching and those eyes need to be strong enough to look up while yer in yer TT position. Oh, and ride hard today.